England football team's new, state

At Heathrow Airport, off-duty England stars Michael Owen and Theo Walcott have this morning unveiled the latest solution to the team’s recent dip in form. The English FA have purchased and customised an Airbus A380, complete with its own 5-a-side AstroTurf playing surface inside. This huge, state-of-the-art plane will offer the ultimate environment to ensure that the team arrives in tip-top form. Main features include:

Main deck:

• 210 ft. x 20 ft. AstroTurf playing surface
• specially re-enforced windows able to withstand the most powerful strikes from the likes of Rooney, Gerrard and Lampard
• tanoy system with realistic accoustic simulations (including familiar England chants as well as jeering to reflect more hostile playing environments)
• small storage room containing spare balls, dribbling cones, bibs, etc.

Upper deck:

• fully-equipped weight-room and gym
• changing facilities and enormous ‘team bath’
• FA executive lounge and bar for travelling dignitaries
• adequate kitchen facilities (for meals, half-time oranges, etc.)
• press office (for media personnel travelling with the team)
• games room with consoles and copies of Championship Manager 2007, FIFA 2007 and Grand Theft Auto to allow the players to relax

A spokesman for the FA, Ivor Binhad, said:

This is just what the players need. Our recent goalless draw with Israel and an unconvincing win over Andorra have highlighted the neeed for the players to train together as much as they possibly can. Because of club commitments, this isn’t always easy but this new aircraft will ensure that the players can continue to practice whilst travelling to international fixtures. There are still some finishing touches we have yet to apply, such as corner flags and touchline dug-outs, but we are very pleased with the result so far, and feel confident that it will help the team with future performances.