The lights are low, but expectations are high. You've managed to sit through three courses at dinner without arguing and this make-or-break holiday is no longer leaning towards the latter.
Back at the hotel, you're cuddling in bed and the drought is about to break.
Suddenly, there's a sound, kind of like a cat being strangled: "Maaarrrm! Matthew hit me in the face and now my nose is bleeding. It's all over the bed. I think I'm dying – Maaarrrm!"
Looks like this one will be a mega-drought. It's just not possible to have a romantic holiday with children in tow. Or is it?
In the past, properties piled everyone into the same room. Good for the hotel business; bad for monkey business.
Now, there are greater degrees of separation, with interconnecting rooms, on-call nannies and five-star family resorts.
Lizard Island is welcoming kids of all ages during its inaugural Family Time, in the winter and spring school holidays this year.
Your junior rangers can explore the Great Barrier Reef, while you escape to a deserted beach with a picnic hamper.
Across the ditch, the Lakeview Suites at Queenstown's Heritage Hotel are the last word in romance.
Overlooking the Swiss-scape of Lake Wakatipu and the Remarkables, the stylish two-bedroom suites in this stone-and-cedar property have separate space for the kids, while adults are treated to bubbles, fudge and a late checkout.
Further afield, the new safari lodge Angama Mara, high above the Maasai Mara, is where the most romantic scenes from Out of Africa were filmed.
Float over the plains in a hot air balloon, scoff a champagne breakfast under a tree, go on safari to see the Big Five, and then sip a G&T as the sun sinks slowly in the west.
The best bit? Rates include all safaris and meals, plus babysitting. (And, if the kids drive you crazy, you can always feed them to the lions.*)
Off the coast of Mozambique, Vamizi Island has six luxury villas for families, each with a dedicated team of staff. ("Yes, we'd love you to look after the kids! For how long? Ooh, a couple of years…?")
Snorkel through the marine conservation area, with more than 180 species of coral and 400 kinds of reef fish, before cruising on a dhow at sunset. Sigh.
If skiing's your thing, stay in the M de Megeve – a rustic-chic chalet in the French Alps.
There's plenty of privacy in the upstairs-downstairs Deluxe Suites. Take a horse-drawn carriage into town to dine at one of the delightful restaurants in this chocolate-box village. (We like the quirky Le Torrent, where you can try truffle fondue inside a converted chicken coop!)
Pop the kids into bilingual ski school while you enjoy the sweet slopes of Megeve.
Honestly, if any of these suggestions don't break the drought, something is amiss.
Our last attempt at a romantic holiday with the kids ends in embarrassment, when they walk into our bedroom in a tiny cabin on One Mile Beach.
"Mummy, are you OK? Is Daddy squashing you?" Grace asks.
Let's hope they're not scarred for life.
*Kidding.
