We're tearing down a mountain at 100 km/h with no brakes.
Dad is madly crunching the clutch to try to slow down.The tall trees of Wauchope whiz by through a smokescreen and it's not because of a bushfire: it's from cigarettes.
The year is 1977 and, for many kids, a road trip is more like a mobile nightclub.
You see, Mum and Dad are chain smokers: long drives are broken up by short battles.
"I feel car sick!" I cry. "Yeah, me too!" says my sister.
"Well, just wind the window down," Mum or Dad smile.
Five minutes later: "Kids, can you wind up the windows please? It's getting a bit cold."
After another five minutes: "Mum. I'm going to vomit. Can we pull over?"
I love the intimacy of a driving holiday. Time to talk to Mum and Dad about anything and everything. But I hate the health hazards.
Our car has seen better days, so it's no surprise when the brakes fail on the way back from Timbertown, four hours north of Sydney.
Family road trips are somewhat more sophisticated these days.
Almost half of the 1000 parents surveyed by Ford, to coincide with the summer holidays, say entertainment options are the biggest change since they were kids.
Two out of three say tablets are the best way to keep them occupied.
It's certainly a lot easier than endless games of I Spy, Spotto and Number Plates, to a soundtrack of, "Are we there yet?"
(Not to mention, "Mum, he's on my side of the car!" "No, she's on my side!" Honestly, sometimes I think we need a demilitarised zone, like Korea…)
But it comes with its own dangers, including iPad neck, bug eyes, and bad behaviour.
You know the chook-neck posture adopted by iPad addicts? That will cost you hundreds in physiotherapy.
Too much blue light damages their eyes, so save up for trips to the optometrist.
And the bad behaviour?
Well, try taking a device away from a four-year-old: think bottle and alcoholic. (Hey, I should know…)
I'm no puritan: my phone is surgically attached to my hand.
But I often wonder whether it's wise to make road trips all about the entertainment inside, rather than the scenery outside.
Nowadays, we set limits: only one hour of screen time each day of driving. The rest is spent reading, colouring-in, or playing the aforementioned games.
Or talking: kids come out with the most remarkable things when there's no eye contact.
Of course, that was tough back in 1977.
Any attempt at intimacy is punctuated by "cough, cough" or "aarrrggghhhh!" as we round a corner at high speed.
Dad manages to use the gears and handbrake to slow down.
We pull over at the bottom and trudge two hours to the nearest service station.
Because, guess what? There's no such thing as a mobile phone.
Truly, I'm thankful for the new technology. But only if used sparingly.
