Many a family holiday is ruined by selflessness.
Yes, you read that right.
Modern parenting – often described as cotton-woolling or helicoptering – means making sure every second of the trip is, "Awesome!" For the kids, that is.
But what about us? What do we want to do? Isn't it everyone's holiday?
Last week, I watched as a frazzled mother negotiated with her four-year-old.
"Darling, we're not going to have time to go to the water park, see a movie, make Easter bonnets, buy a pretty dress, and get an ice-cream from your favourite shop," mum reasoned. "But why? It's not FAIR!" the tiny terror wailed.
If only there was a swap shop for such memories. "I'd like to trade three tantrums for one silent sunset on the beach, please." Sigh.
This was firmly front of mind as we embarked on our latest adventure, to Waikiki. It's a family holiday that ticks all the boxes: warm weather, beautiful beaches, and an array of activities.
Especially at the Hilton Hawaiian Village, which is one big play centre overlooking the cerulean sea. I'd booked a family surf lesson for the first day, because there's no safer spot to fine-tune your technique (or, in our case, stay upright).
Suddenly, eight-year-old Grace cracked it: "I'm NOT going surfing here. It's too DEEP. Hmf." After the usual round of bribes and threats, I opened my mouth to say, "Oh, it's OK. I'll stay with Gracie in the shallows. You guys go out and enjoy yourselves."
Then a tiny voice inside my head started to scream: "IT'S MY HOLIDAY TOO!" Of course, there were harmonies. "What if you fall off and make a fool of yourself in front of those gorgeous surf instructors?" "You're 47, for goodness' sake. Too old for this!" And, the greatest discord, "My daughter will never forgive me."
But too many trips have been ruined by parents convinced they're Doing The Right Thing. These include always prioritising the children; being afraid of looking silly; and giving in to irrational fears.
The result? Resentful parents and a rotten holiday. So, hubby and I drew a line in the sand.
"It's not just about you, Grace. This holiday is for all of us. And you're outnumbered. Now get on that board."
Sure, she shrieked. But the sound was soon swallowed by the spray. Mostly, she lay on the board, silently seething. We let it wash over us.
Despite declaring I'd never surf again (after suffering one stitch due to a fin chop back in, ooh, about 2003), I paddled like a demon to ride the first wave right to shore.
Oh yeah, baby. I felt like a rock star. (This is, until we saw the photos. I'm a goofy-footer. So, the resort's photographer had wicked pics of my backside. Not a good look.)
Taj – true to his name – absolutely ripped. Which meant he didn't go arse-over.
Or, in his words, "I always knew how to surf, but I listened to all the instructions. #goodboy I didn't step down because there is coral there and if it cut our feet it could be deadly. #dangerous It was one of the best experiences of my life!"
For hubby, it was also a dream come true: surfing in Hawaii. As for the other member of our family, well, suffice to say, it was a nightmare.
But, bugger it. If kids keep getting their way, they'll never learn how to handle it when someone says "no". Sometimes, parents' selflessness is actually self-defeating. We're creating monsters.
Which is fine, if we want a horror story, not a happy holiday.
