Mama Holiday: Snow holidays with kids

For us, it usually begins with one child trying to take the other's block off with a chunk of ice.

Then, the laborious logistics of layering on ski gear, bought on sale from Aldi. ("Why did you buy Grace two thermal tops and no pants?" hubby asks, perplexed. "I had to elbow out a dozen shoppers to get close to the sale bins," I reply. "Just try to squeeze her legs into the sleeves of the top, will you ...?)

Then there is the chorus of, "My bum's wet", "Can you carry my skis before my arms break off?" and "I'm sure we're gonna die!" which, of course, I pretend I can't hear through the thick earmuffs.

Eventually it all ends well, with cries of this being the "best holiday ever".

So, how can we get to the bottom of the run without running into the moguls along the way?

You have to plan a family ski trip like a military exercise.

First, choose the correct combat gear. Any exposed piece of flesh will lead to accusations of child neglect, an imagined case of frostbite, or deafening teeth-chattering.

Try the aforementioned Aldi sale, eBay, or a discount ski-gear store.

Second, aim to go either early or late in the season. It's cheaper, quieter, and safer. (On long weekends and school holidays, the green beginner runs become obstacle courses.)

Third, draw up a strategic plan.

This should involve a private lesson, or session in the ski school early on, followed by family skiing (preferably, briefly).

It's less crowded early in the morning and at lunchtime. Oh - and bring helmets.

I'm not worried about you: It's the gung-ho rednecks tearing down the slopes behind you. The good news is, you can get great deals right now as panic sets in among lift operators and accommodation providers due to an unseasonably warm autumn.

Kids stay for free at many of the properties on Mount Buller in June and September.

Meanwhile, mums are spoiled at Falls Creek, with a discounted lesson and free lift pass if their child is enrolled in the Snowsports School.

In NSW, Perisher has a new quad chairlift in Guthega, while Thredbo has a new snowplay area. It's always cheaper to stay and hire equipment off-mountain, but you've got to weigh that up with the convenience of ski in/ski out.

On-mountain, the QT Falls Creek and Perisher Valley Hotel are excellent for families.

If, like me, you're more harried hare than snow bunny, there are two new artificial terrain parks to practise your skills. Powderpak Park in Melbourne boasts fake snow year 'round for boarders and skiers, while In2ski in Sydney is offering you and a friend 50 per cent off your first lesson.

Follow these steps and you'll soon be that picture-perfect family in the ads.

KIDS

GO WILD IN MELBOURNE

Take the kids to see the wildlife in Melbourne this winter. Ibis Melbourne has family-friendly deals for DreamWorks Animation: The Exhibition in Federation Square and the Melbourne Zoo. The DreamWorks offer includes accommodation, breakfast and two adult tickets to the exhibition (kids 4-15 years, $10). From $183 a night, until October 5; 1300 656 565, accorhotels.com/melbexhibition. The zoo offer includes accommodation, breakfast and two adult tickets to the zoo. From $129 a night, until September 25; phone (03) 9666 0066, see ibis.com.