Mostly Unfunny, But Necessary Introduction
Myanmar
When I hatched last minute plans for a quick jaunt into Myanmar, I innocently resolved to focus my writings solely on Myanmar’s tourism elements, ignoring the already well documented problems of poverty, human rights abuses and unchecked, power-drunk, military-run government, whose officials prioritize their living room sets over helping the plight of millions of destitute people. My mentality was, why bogart my witty comments and brilliant insights with depressing facts and horrific anecdotes when far more knowledgeable people were doing a much better job of documenting this stuff? Well, having now been to Myanmar myself, having met the people, heard first-hand stories and witnessed poverty the likes of which I have never seen, I would be doing a disservice to them by not at least stating the facts. I will try to tone down my usual raging, irreverent criticism (whoops, please disregard the crack about living room sets) and simply do my best to report on what I witnessed.
Taxi I was asked by a few locals if I could ever live in Myanmar. I truthfully answered “no,” saying that the limited and precarious access to email and the Internet would prevent me from carrying on with business matters, conducting needed research and accessing the requisite porn to get me through the day. However, I didn’t add that I probably couldn’t live in Myanmar because being surrounded by the depressing state of its people (not to mention the harassment by touts), the blatantly corrupt government, the casual injustice meted out by the authorities and not being able to get decent cider would probably break my spirit in a matter of months. Indeed, I imagined that after enough time in Myanmar, I would undoubtedly land myself in prison for participating in some kind of dissident action or dramatic government coup attempt.
So, let’s get on with it already. The following is the tale of my 10 whirlwind days in Myanmar. As I said, I will try to check my attitude, but if what I say here is still too offensive to the Myanmar government, too bad. And so, General Than Shwe, if you or one of your Internet, dissent-hunting minions are reading this and decide to slap me on the visa blacklist for the rest of eternity, please notify me by email so I can put it in my bio. Cè-zù-tin-ba-deh.
