Sri Lanka Wildlife: Heritance Kandalama hotel

Beneath a picture of three monkeys, the sticker warns: "Please Do not Feed Us! We can be a real nuisance."

Guests are also asked to keep the door to the balcony, which is covered in vines that appear to merge with the surrounding jungle, closed and locked.

In a secluded area surrounded by world heritage sites including the stunning rock fortress of Sigiriya, such precautions seem excessive. After all, the whiskery grey langurs are far from threatening as they play fight along the open-air corridors and splash in the swimming pool at sunrise.

However, it is a different story with the hotel's other resident monkeys, the long-nippled macaques with their sharp teeth and Friar Tuck haircuts.

Several species of macaques are apparently used in animal testing so they have good reason to declare war on humans. However, the cranky alpha male who bares his teeth and charges me while I'm nursing a gin-and-tonic could have just asked if I'd pour him a glass of Mother's Ruin.

Admittedly, I have a bad track record with primates – a monkey once tried to steal a banana from my pocket during a wedding in India (no, that's not a euphemism). An orangutan in a safari park in Indonesia once had to delicately remove my hand that had accidentally slipped onto her backside.

Back on the balcony, glass and I both go flying, but there is no escape thanks to my thoughtful friend Trish who closes the balcony door and laughs herself a hernia from inside the safety of the room.

Eventually, she stops cackling long enough to let me inside as my monkey nemesis bares his teeth, charges again and thumps on the sliding door until he notices my half-empty glass of gin.

It's a glass half-full for the cranky macaque and his gang of droopy-nippled alcoholics who slurp up the spilt gin.

Monkey 1, Humans 0.

Macaques turn out to be two-pot screamers; it certainly does not take long for this barrel of monkeys to start squawking like teenage girls, scurrying back and forth, staring at their reflections in the window.

The next morning we're awoken with a scream after Trish ventures on to her balcony for a coffee, only to be met by Papa Monkey.

Disappointed by the lack of alcohol in her mug, he breaks it and then disgraces himself by urinating on her balcony table and chairs. That's the type of monkey business that's unlikely to win a second date, she tells the bemused hotel staff later.

Monkey 2, Humans 0.

Not all of Sri Lanka's wildlife are as ill-mannered as the macaques of Kandalama. That afternoon, we take a bum-numbing ride along pot-holed, muddy roads in nearby Minneriya​ Wildlife Sanctuary in search of its elephant population.

Angry storm clouds gather overhead, and heavy raindrops cool the stifling air, as we drive deeper into the park, which is also home to the friendly langur and menacing macaque, crocodiles, monitors and pythons as well as a number of threatened bird species.

Eventually, we find a small herd of elephants, including heavily pregnant mothers, shy babies and inquisitive juveniles, munching contentedly on grass and occasionally looking up to pose for our cameras.

That evening, we discover a new front has opened in the monkey's war on humans after one of our travelling companions tells of how she was sheltering from the burning sun under a tree when she felt a raindrop land on her head.

Looking up to a cloudless sky, she sees the "raindrops" falling around her are courtesy of a monkey perched on a branch.

Monkey 3, Humans 0.

TRIP NOTES

MORE INFORMATION

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GETTING THERE

Singapore Airlines has daily flights from Sydney and Melbourne to Singapore (about eight hours), with connecting flights to Colombo (three hours, 40 minutes); see singaporeair.com or phone 131 011.

STAYING THERE

The Heritance Kandalama is in the heart of Sri Lanka's cultural triangle, 20 minutes from the ancient town of Dambulla​ and 160 kilometres from Colombo (a four to five-hour drive). Superior rooms in the Dambulla wing start at $US184 (room only) to $US292 (full board). See heritancehotels.com/kandalama. The hotel can arrange excursions to the UNESCO World Heritage-listed sites of Sigiriya​ Rock Fortress and the 2000-year-old cave temples of Dambulla as well as Minneriya Wildlife Sanctuary. Two other World Heritage sites at Anuradhapura​ and Polonnaruwa​ are also within driving distance.

TOURING THERE

Following the end of Sri Lanka's three decades-long civil war it is safe to travel throughout the country, however the Smart Traveller website recommends exercising a high degree of caution; see smartraveller.gov.au. Australians require an e-visa before arrival for a stay of up to 30 days; see eta.gov.lk.