London's East End invokes notions of Pearly Queens, barrow boys and the Kray twins – working-class people with Bow Bells provenance, a mistrust of authority and no regard for consonants. ("Ooo-oi?" they ask brightly. To which you reply: "Yes thanks, I'm all right. Are you all right?")
But if Reggie Kraywere alive to walk the frog and toads of Bromley-By-Bow, Hackney Wick or North Greenwich, he'd choke on his pie'n'mash.
The East End today is a multi-geared, multicultural polyglot where inner-city outre is flourishing among industrial Victoriana and revitalised canals. Yes, you should never tire of central London (lest you tire of life) but this feels like a new city frontier waiting to reward the adventuresome traveller. It's a grittier version perhaps of avant garde districts within Copenhagen, Berlin and Melbourne.
No question, the key to the new East End lies with the canals. Students, artists and artisans seem to have the run of them, lending a beat that's more Banksy than Roll Out The Barrel. Never mind your Rosie Lea or pint of Pride, you're more likely to be drinking a micro-beer that's been brewed in the back of a retro-fitted waterside warehouse. And as for markets, well now they're pop-ups or flashmob dance parties, usually happening in the shadow of millennium mega-projects like the $540 million Olympic stadium.
But where to start? Well, start with a day's adventure – and by paying a £5 refundable deposit on an Oyster Card and loading it up with 20 quid of credit. Use it to go seven stops east from Westminster on the tube, or better still, show your card on the new, high-speed Thames Clipper from Embankment to scud along the river.
You'll be alighting at North Greenwich, but note this is not the famed Greenwich of meridians and mean times, which is about two kilometres back. Rather you're in the tight serpentine kink of the Thames, oft seen in the opening credits of the BBC's Eastenders.
On emerging from the polished alloy tube station you'll spy the towers of Canary Wharf (a silver city filled with investment bankers) and the Millennium Dome bursting from landscaped grounds like a humungous mushroom cap – at which you'll probably say, "Hang on, didn't they condemn this to the Civic Hall of Shame?"
Indeed, they did. But now it's called the O2, a more loved-up stadium and eating precinct that's really quite impressive. The structure is 10 times the volume of St Paul's and the height of Nelson's Column. Within you can circle through a cavernous avenue of 34 bars and restaurants or, if you prefer, you can do what Tony Blair failed to do, and get on top of it. The climbing experience "Up At The O2" costs £26 (or £33 for a brilliant twilight climb).
But I say go higher still: walk next door and step aboard the Emirates Air Line, a £24m gondola that was opened in 2012.
After your Oyster is deducted by a very reasonable £3.40 (without the card it's a queue and £4.50), a glass pod opens and you're elevated steeply yet gracefully on a half-kilometre flight over the Thames.
I confess the 90-metre height was more daunting than expected and it was only by fixing on the horizon that I could stay calm. No hardship there: the view was as good as the London Eye, revealing Canary Wharf, the Thames Barrier, London City Airport (its runway surrounded by water), the Olympic stadium and an eastern perspective of the City and St Paul's.
Disembark at North Station and repair to the Oiler Bar. This World War II barge has been converted to a fine alfresco drinkery overlooking quintessential Docklands redevelopment and an artificial beach.
(On ordering my beer, a young chap said "Ooo-oi?" and proceeded to tell me they sold the finest scotch eggs in the whole of London. He was absolutely good to his word – which was also one long string of vowels.)
The barge has views on two distractions of note: a wakeboarding operation (which sees you being towed on a cable) and a bizarre jetpack ride (which sees you strapped to a high-pressure hose and released to – er – fly).
Having come this far, you're now ready to go deeper into East End – a London that even most Londoners don't know about.
Wield the Oyster Card on the driverless Docklands Light Rail from Royal Dock to Canning Town; then take the Jubilee Line to West Ham; then the District Line to Bromley by Bow. Sounds difficult but it's not – and only two miles.
Ask for directions to navigate the few hundred metres to The Three Mills Studios. You'll freak out briefly at the sight of a few warzone tower blocks and then marvel when you reach the stunning structure of the 1776 mill. Who knew? This is the oldest tidal mill in the world; it's also where they're presently filming Martin Amis' London Fields for a 2015 release.
Smell the air. It's still the smell of Thames water and Thames industry, but the muddy canals of yore have been cleaned and regenerated for the London Olympics. They're home to moorhens, herons, swans, geese, foxes – and people. Barges are now lined up on the banks, some with gaily painted paraphernalia, others bulging with the trappings of London living. All around are great canyons of new high density developments. It's a striking contrast and oddly serene.
The towpath – only a few kilometres for your purposes – threads through the very essence of what's happened here. To your right are slightly wild parklands supported by slightly wild artist Tracey Emin; further in the distance is Joseph Bazalgette's palpably lovely "Cathedral of Sewage", the crown and testament to one of the world's great industrial legacies. Bazalgette designed London's sewerage system and the cathedral – actually the Abbey Mill Pumping station – was its beating heart. Alas, it's only open two days a year so for the interiors you'll have to reference Batman Begins, in which it featured as the asylum.
Walk on to more carefully architected parklands and the walloping bulk of Olympic stadium with its curious ArcelorMittal Orbit, the steel sculpture that looks like an Arab hubbly-bubbly. Turn off the path, look at the stadium close up; the Orbit is now open to the public for £11.95 entry.
Further on you'll come to an unusual wooden tower. This marks a "model community" development done by (wait for it) IKEA. It houses a super-sharp bar and restaurant called Print House Bar & Kitchen. Eat here or do a wiggle along Stratford High Street to get back onto the main canal then head north to get to Formans. Established in 1905 and earning the Royal Seal, Formans prepares and sells salmon. Scale the building (check out the busy factory floor) and repair to an upper balcony overlooking the canal. Time to order a beer and the fabulous salmon plate – five salmon flavours include sloe gin and beetroot.
You're on Fish Island, which was an unholy dump until the artists got hold of it, carving studios out of its old brick niches and giving it the distinct edgy vibe. Explore the like of The Counter Cafe and The Muff cafe, both waterside, both art-tastic, both cool.
If you want the day to stretch into the night, keep heading north along the canal for The Crate, a buzzing microbrewery and pizza joint; it too is a bit of brick heritage but it also has two boats for those who like to drink on the water. Three minutes more and you're two cracking new hipster joints Number 90 Bar & Kitchen and the Hackney Pearl (the latter isn't a lot to look at, but it has vibe aplenty).
You're now inn deepest Hackney Wick, which is claimed to have the greatest concentration of artist studios in the world.
Is it true? It's hard to care in the midst of a place transforming itself under the weight of its own energies, ideas and more than a little Lottery money. As the cool young things carouse into a summer evening, the East End should leave you feeling perfectly oooo-oi.
visitbritain.co.uk
Flights to Britain depart Sydney and Melbourne on a regular basis. Remember, stopovers can offer a nice break of journey. See Qantas (via a range of stopovers, qantas.com.au), Singapore Airlines (via Singapore. Singaporeair.com), Emirates (via Dubai, emirates.com) or United Airlines (via US cities, www.united.com).
For the Isle of Dogs, take a comfy kennel at the Hilton London Canary Wharf (South Quay, Marsh Wall, 020 3002 2300, from $212 a night). Cheaper digs at Holiday Inn Express Stratford (196 High Street, Newham, 020 8536 8000, from $137 per night), located close to the Olympic park development and canal walk.
