You may wonder why I am gazing out over a wonderful Waikiki sundown from an expensive hotel's infinity pool, contemplating my next round at one of Hawaii's most exclusive golf clubs – while just having devoured my first nori roll involving Spam.
Let's face it. This is about as close as I'll ever get to impersonating Barack Obama.
Oahu is the US president's favourite holiday destination, so I've decided to spend a day on Hawaii's most populous island doing the Obama trail.
The 44th president was born at Honolulu's Kapiolani Hospital for Women and Children on August 4, 1961. Not only is he the first Afro-American to be elected president, but he is also the first to be born in Hawaii. Michelle Obama has famously said no one can understand her husband unless they understand Hawaii.
He and the First Lady have brought their two daughters – Malia and Sasha – to Oahu for their Christmas holiday for each of the six years of his presidency, and they're already booked in for Christmas 2015.
Gossip columnists also say the Obamas will "retire" to Oahu when they leave the White House. In March 2015, the iconic beach house made famous in the 1980s TV series Magnum P.I. was purchased for US8.7 million by Obama's golfing buddy Marty Nesbitt, chairman of the Barack Obama Foundation.
The Spanish Colonial-style estate, Pahonu – with "a gate house, boat house, four-car carriage house, men's and women's bath house and tennis "courts" – will be renovated in time for the Obamas once his presidency ends in January 2017.
Pahonu is on Waimanalo Beach, well away from the high rise hullabaloo of Honolulu but close to Kailua Beach, where the Obamas rent their holiday home each year.
What do the Obamas like to do on their vacation? Fortunately, they're creatures of habit. Barack, in particular, enjoys repeating things he did as a teenage local.
Yet there are certain privileges to being the most powerful man in the world.
The infinity pool at the Sheraton Waikiki where I'm now enjoying the twilight view is clearly marked "adults only". But Malia and Sasha were only young girls when their father bought them here in the first year or two of his presidency. Apparently no one complained. Anything to do with those sun-glassed guys in suits?
But I went undercover. If you're looking for a holiday fit for a president, here are 10 tips you might want to try.
Across the Ko'olau Range, a 30-minute drive from Waikiki, lies the laid-back town of Kailua. Though the Obamas spend $A34,000 a week for their holiday home –and a little bit more the year Bo, "The First Dog", decided to chew the furniture – Kailua is not a fancy resort. But it has what many regard as the finest beach in Hawaii, though the neighbouring beaches at Lanikai and Kalama are equally blessed.
One of the advantages of being president is that you can use the gym facilities at the local military base, something Obama does most days, exercising to music on his headphones. The rest of us have to make do with a run along the beach.
Obama loves shave ice – a Hawaiian speciality similar to a slushie, but with smaller, snowflake-sized shavings of ice subsequently doused in whatever flavourings you choose. More refreshing than ice cream, a typical shave ice costs around $A4 and consists of two or three tropical flavours.
Traditionally, Hawaiians add a scoop of vanilla ice cream or azuki bean paste to the bottom of the cup. But Obama takes his without any trimmings.
Matsumoto Grocery Store, in the lovely historic town of Haleiwa on the north shore, is Oahu's most famous shave-ice specialist. But the president usually takes his daughters to Island Snow, in Kailua. His favourite shave ice mix – now known as a "Snowbama" – consists of lemon-lime, cherry and passion-guava.
The president likes to eat a couple of Spam musabis as a snack while playing golf. These can be bought at any convenience store and consist of a slice of grilled Spam on top of a block of rice, wrapped with a belt of dried nori seaweed.
Hawaiians eat more Spam per capita than any other state in America – a throwback to World War II when meat was scarce and tins of Spam sustained the troops stationed on Oahu. It's safe to say Spam musabis are an acquired taste.
Obama reportedly plays off a handicap of 18 and usually plays at least one round at the Kanoehe Klipper course at the US Marine Base at Kaneohe, near Kailua.
The 18-hole championship course, with a mountain backdrop for the front nine and ocean views on the back nine, is regarded as one of the finest US Department of Defence courses in the world, and one of the advantages for the Secret Service is that it can easily protect him.
Non-military golfers can play the course for a slightly higher price, but bookings are essential because current and former service personnel take priority.
Hanauma Bay, the most famous of Hawaii's snorkeling beaches, is a regular haunt of the Obamas.
Part of an old volcanic crater, Hanauma is an official nature reserve limited to 3000 visitors a day (entrance fee: $A6.80). Before entering the park you are obliged to watch a safety video telling you how to interact with the wildlife (basically, no touching or feeding).
Snorkling gear can be hired at the park, and there are 450 different fish species to see. But it's the green sea turtles most people come to see.
Obama usually tucks into a plate lunch at Kapahulu, on the outskirts of Waikiki. Rainbow Drive-In and the 24-hour chain Zippy's are two favourites.
The plate lunch is the quintessential Hawaiian meal, derived from the bento boxes brought to the islands by Japanese labourers a century ago.
Plate lunches usually include two scoops of white rice, a heavily mayonnaised macaroni salad and an Asian-influenced piece of pork, beef, shrimp or salmon.
Few experiences on Oahu are so dramatically imposing as the National Memorial Cemetery of the Pacific at Punchbowl. In a volcanic crater that offers stupendous views of Honolulu, this is the final resting place of 53,000 servicemen who died in World Wart I, World War II, the Korean War and the Vietnam War.
Formed 75,000 years ago, the Punchbowl's Hawaiian name is Puowaina, usually translated as Hill of Sacrifice. Here, early Hawaiians offered human sacrifices to their pagan gods and executed people who had violated their taboos.
President Obama has placed flowers on the grave of Stanley Dunham, his maternal grandfather, a World War II veteran. Obama was raised by his grandparents for much of his schooldays while his mother was living in Indonesia with her second husband.
Diamond Head, the volcanic peak that looks down on Waikiki, is the most popular hike in Hawaii – an hour there and back. The Obamas prefer the Maunawili Falls Trail, near Kailua. Though it's graded easy and is barely four kilometre there and back, it culminates in a waterfall and swimming hole that many hikers like to plunge into.
In 1995, Alan Wong opened a restaurant in Honolulu's South King Street on the third floor of an office building with no view and no parking. Today his restaurant is the Obama family's favourite place to dine, celebrated for its Hawaiian twist on the Pacific Rim cuisines of Japan, Korea, Vietnam and the Philippines.
Most first-time visitors choose Wong's Tasting Menu, but Barack Obama usually chooses a Wong "classic" – Twice Cooked Soy Braised Short Ribs with Ko Choo Jang sauce, followed by "The Coconut": Haupia sorbet in a chocolate, coconut-shaped shell with Lilikoi sauce.
Obama graduated from Punahou School, in Punahou Street, Honolulu, in 1979, and lived for much of that time in Makiki – 10 minutes from Waikiki – with his maternal grandparents. During his schooldays, he worked at the Baskin-Robbins ice cream outlet in South King Street. It's still there today, if you can't afford to dine at Alan Wong's.
MORE INFORMATION
gohawaii.com.au
GETTING THERE
Hawaiian Airlines flies daily from Sydney and four times weekly from Brisbane direct to Honolulu, using new Airbus A330-200 aircraft. Connections from Melbourne and other Australian cities are available with preferred partner Virgin Australia.
Hawaiian Airlines also has about 160 daily Boeing 717 flights between Honolulu at Kauai, Maui and both Kona and Hilo on Hawaii Island (The Big Island).
hawaiianairlines.com.au
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